After years of attending classes and conferences of all sorts, I felt this year I handled it pretty well with my stress levels and other commitments to not be completely exhausted and burnt out at the end of each trip. A heart-felt conversation with one of the delegates made me realize how I used to deal with certain situations when I was younger: I would withdraw myself and spend days mostly indoors.
'You have to find ways to contain yourself!', Marge said to me at breakfast. We were the last people in the hall. The staff members were about to clean up our breakfast and cutlery. I could hear them grumble in the kitchen why we couldn't hurry up with our food. 'Well, this time I managed to go to all the classes not like last year or two years ago, I said. I was proud about it, but it just left me exhausted. It felt like a triumph that I finally managed to attend all tracks without a blink.
'Maybe try to skip one or two sessions and see how you feel ?', she suggested . I was not very convinced as the feeling of guilt would overcome me as soon as I decided to skip classes next time.
So I started thinking about a time where these things didn't matter that much: money, the opinion of others, goals, ambition . When I was a child, I've just cared about myself and my family. It was easier to say no to activities and draw boundaries with the world. I could sit hours in my room and still not get bored. As a teenager, I deliberately didn't go outside to town on certain days just to avoid bumping into people from school because I couldn't be bothered seeing them.
These days I'm out and about. Being in Glasgow didn't help a lot. I turned from an introvert into a sensation-seeker, seeking experiences that sometimes overwhelm me. This summer, I've learned to take a break from people more and just talk to them when I wanted to. Last year, I was beridden with guilt when I had to take a step back and distance myself from people. Although, I love people and I am interested in their stories, they exhaust me at the same time. I soak up everything what I hear, sense and feel. In highschool I was exhausted day by day often had to take naps during lunchbreak and after 4 pm to regain my energies.
At conferences, my mind cannot switch off as I'm processing people's information a lot. Having a memory that retains information in a way that also exhausts me left me thinking why I can't switch off. Do I care too much, do I feel too much or is it just my brain? Do I have a different brain? Yes, I do, but that's a different story.
So my friend is right and here are the ways I have found helpful to contain myself, finding that space to self-control myself:
-take regular breaks
-lie in the dark
-listen to soothing music
-learn the need to not overexplain yourself to strangers
-dance
-pace yourself with goals and to-do-list
-take one step at a time
-have compassion for yourself
-take the time to retreat
-write in a diary
-have a free afternoon or evening
-cancel if it's for your own health or wellbeing
-meditate or stretch
With love,
Natascha
Comments